Jason Hoe
"Jason Hoe" is the 1st entry in the [[The Trinity of Fgtness' Epic Journal Log|first Trinity of Fgtness Journal]] and the 1st entry overall. Synopsis Big Nate and Charlie Brown form a group named the Trinity of Fgtness. They realize they aren't a trinity without a third person, so they search for a suitable third person who would be able to fulfill their weird fetishes and desires. Plot Greg Heffley is in an abandoned mall, shouting in despair after finding that Red Hat 2: The Prequel to the Sequel has been discontinued due to haters and internet trolls causing game developer Frank Delish to rage quit the gaming industry. Big Nate and Charlie Brown suddenly revealed that they set up a trap under him and then Greg is launched into space. He doesn't return. Nate and Charlie are beating up drug dealers pretending to be homeless people. They destroy most of them, but some escaped. Nate believes that they will return to fuck up their shit, catching them in surprise, so they must find backup. Charlie Brown suggests they create a name for their group, and they decide on 'The Trinity of Fgtness', but then Big Nate explains that they need three people for a trinity to be a trinity, so they went to go search for an additional person in an abandoned mall. They discover a lonely child named Jason Funderberker and Charlie prods him with a stick. He tells them that he's 32. Somehow, Greg Heffley returns and attempts to murder Big Nate in cold blood. Jason tries to save him, but trips on his nonexistent shoelace, bumping Greg into an incinerator, which kills him. They go out for lunch at Dippy's Diner. Greg Heffley climbs out of the incinerator and follows them. He attempts to choke them by planting turkeys in their ham sandwiches. When their sandwiches arrived, they were disgusted by the sight of the lumpy pile of ham. Jason suggests they give their sandwiches to the homeless children outside the diner and order Crumpet Crisps instead. Greg, though it was not intended for the homeless children to die, was satisfied with his work and laughed at the children as they munched on their sandwiches. They all ate the sandwiches without difficulty and noticed Greg laughing at them. All the homeless children around the diner started to beat up Greg until a crude pile of flesh, bones and blood only remained. Greg still persisted on killing the Trinity and slowly dragged his remains inside the diner, only for him to be kicked out, as he was not wearing any shoes. Steven decides to do it his own way, by recreating what happened when his gem started to glow. He attempts to make everything exactly as it was before, and sings his song again. This fails, and he thinks he is not cut out to be a Crystal Gem. The others think he is being silly, and reassure him that he is one of them. He eats another Cookie Cat, when his gem suddenly starts glowing brighter than it did before. It glows to the point where his weapon is finally revealed: a shield. The others bask, and Steven yells in happiness, when his shield starts bouncing around the house and smashes into a TV; which Amethyst finds hilarious. Steven thinks that he can summon his weapon by eating ice cream. When Pearl looks at the wrapper, wondering what's it's ingredients, the ground suddenly starts rumbling, and the mother Centipeetle appears outside. Amethyst, Pearl, and Garnet go outside, but they tell Steven to stay inside. They engage in battle, but Steven grabs the Cookie Cat freezer and many Cookie Cats, and goes outside to help. The Gems are trapped, apparently losing. Steven captures its attention and eats a Cookie Cat. However, he fails to summon his weapon and runs away. He desperately eats the remaining Cookie Cats, wondering why it's not working. When he sees the Cookie Cat freezer is damaged, he is distraught and gets a new wave of courage. He grabs it by the plug and throws the broken freezer at the mother, electrocuting it. The Gems then defeat the mother, and Garnet bubbles its gem away. Steven buries the wrappers and cries a little. With the aid of the Crystal Gems, he resolves that he is unable to summon his weapon by eating ice cream. Then the gems cheer him up by saying that he'll be able to figure it out, "in his own Steven-y way". He then says he might have ate too many Cookie Cats and then Pearl and Amethyst laugh, and before the iris closes in on him, he throws up. Features Characters *Big Nate *Charlie Brown *Greg Heffley *Jason Funderberker (debut) *Hobo Drug Dealers *Marching Band Gnomes (antagonists) Locations *TBA **Abandoned Mall **Abandoned Factory **The Trinity of Fgtness Headquarters **Dippy's Diner Objects *The Almighty Plunger of Death (first appearance) *Cracker Chips (first appearance) *Crumpet Crisps (first appearance) Notes *One paragraph is missing from the third page. Trivia *The Trinity actually intended on killing Greg Heffley, but somehow, he managed to stay alive. Cultural References *Greg's launch to the sky was a reference to Pokemon. Continuity * Greg Heffley returns in 'Zone-tan', severely injured. * In 'Charlie Brown Goes to Taco Bell', Linkx references this log by exclaiming, "You autistic fucking weeaboo, I told you to stay in the urinal!" * The Gnomes returned in 'Not What He Fucking Seams' as footballs. Errors *According to Greg Heffley in 'Zone-tan', Jason was found in the abandoned mall, not the factory, but who can trust Greg? Transcript View the log's transcript here.Category:Journal 1